This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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