My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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