He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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