This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize