I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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