he thought i was a dude.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
