: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
