You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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