The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
