he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dick has a subreddit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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