did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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