the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
