one two three fourrrrnication!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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