It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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