yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
