I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
