Dual....:-)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
