who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
