Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
