I just made out with a guy for $7.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
