A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
