My nipple is on Facebook.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
