After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
