We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
