I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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