she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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