Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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