three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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