I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize