I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
