omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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