My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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