I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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