Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
