it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Success! We fucked roommates!
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