Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
