haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
