id be glad to
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
