I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
