Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
