Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
