he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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