So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
