How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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