dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pants are for mortals
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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