If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
