I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
