They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize