So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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