p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
