I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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