I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize