I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
