ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
