I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at about main and main street
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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