ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
