my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
