So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
