Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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