i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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