Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
