I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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